


With our eyes well acquainted with the darkness

by lonely_is_so_lonely_alone



Series: Overture [3]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-30
Updated: 2015-12-30
Packaged: 2018-05-10 12:13:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,246
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5584987
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lonely_is_so_lonely_alone/pseuds/lonely_is_so_lonely_alone
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sleep is elusive to all of them - a friend who has left. A friend who won't come back. They all wander corridors in the middle of the night to stop the nightmares. Poe and Rey have each other. This isn't the first time she has seen them together, ghosting through the empty base. They are not alone. She sees they way he looks at her, when he doesn't think she is looking. The way she looks at him like he is her guiding light. Leia is alone with her demons - Character study of Leia, Rey and Poe.</p>
            </blockquote>





	With our eyes well acquainted with the darkness

It starts,  
with our eyes well acquainted,  
with the darkness  
\- Overture, Sleeping at last

It's dark by the time she finishes marking the logs.  
She's spent a while - too - staring at the map that leads to Luke.  
Her mind replays the route again and again so she thinks that she could make the journey herself.  
Part of her - her head, the rational part - is telling her that letting someone else go is safer, the better option.  
But another part - her heart, of course, - tells her that she should go and find him.  
He is her brother after all.  
...  
The candles flicker in the moon light.  
They illuminate the small boy sitting behind them.  
The boy blows out the candles, plunging the room into darkness.  
The clapping starts, applause that starts to reverberate around the room.  
It is his birthday. He is the centre of attention.  
He is four years old. He is innocent.  
There is still light in him.  
She can see it, standing by the door, looking down at her son.  
She can see it.  
She sees it leave him years later, too.  
...  
A door opens in the hall.  
Voices float towards her.  
She's is lost in the memories, but she can still hear the words.  
They're so loud in the night quiet.  
They're talking about her son - she can tell that even though they don't say his name.  
They stop talking as they round the corner - coming face to face with her.  
It's Rey, a man standing just behind her.  
She knows who he is, the resistances' best pilot - Poe Dameron, isn't it?  
She wonders for a moment why they are wandering the corridors together this late at night.  
She sees their faces - both tired, both alone behind the eyes.  
She knows what they were talking about, before they saw her.  
She knows what her son did to them.  
She tries not to think about it too much.  
Rey is leaving in three days.  
Poe takes a step closer but hesitates short of saying anything.  
They're both pilots, she realises and she watches them interact. Rey looks up at Poe then back down at Leia. They're both pilots.  
Like Han.  
Like Han was.  
Poe turns away a little, running a tired hand through his hair. No one speaks.  
Leia thinks they're all the same; pilots.  
Always running away, even when they're home.  
Always leaving.  
Once she'd thought that Han would changed for her.  
That he'd stay for her.  
But pilots are all the same.  
...  
Her boys are at her side.  
She can see them through the window.  
Han runs, Ben follows.  
Father like son.  
Shame it didn't stay like that.  
Shame that Ben didn't have enough of his father in him.  
That he had too much of her in him.  
Too much force - too much of her father.  
She sees them playing and turns away.  
Her son is six years old.  
...  
She turns away from the pair standing at the door.  
She sighs.  
She can hear a whispered conversation start behind her.  
An almost argument on what to do.  
Should they talk to her?  
Should they stay?  
Should they leave?  
Leia's expecting them to go - after all they're pilots, aren't they?  
But they stay.  
Rey takes a seat but Poe remains standing.  
"Are you okay?" the girl asks.  
Leia turns back around, her eyes finding Rey's.  
She doesn't answer and Rey turns her head for a second to Poe.  
Neither know what to do.  
Poe starts towards Rey, coming to a stop by her side.  
He leans down and whispers something to her.  
Leia can't hear what it is.  
Rey looks up at him and smiles.  
It reminds her of herself.  
....  
Ben's started training.  
She trusts Luke.  
Han sits at the table.  
He's laughing, retelling a story Chewie told him so long ago now.  
She's happy, watching him as he talks.  
She can see him in their son.  
In the way Ben talks.  
The way he laughs.  
Han can't see it.  
He still can't believe it, she thinks - that he has family.  
That they're not going to leave him.  
How wrong she is.  
How right Han is.  
Everyone leaves in the end.  
And nothing hurts until it ends, and then it never stops.  
...  
Leia has turned away again, leaving the young pilots staring at her.  
Rey looks up at Poe again.  
He looks down at her.  
She's going soon - going to find Luke - but part of her wants to stay.  
She doesn't want to leave and return to find Finn awake.  
She should be there.  
She doesn't want to leave and come back to find Finn dead, too.  
She doesn't to leave the relative safety of the base.  
She doesn't want to leave Poe, either.  
Not that she'd tell him that.  
She is still young, Leia thinks, but already with so much expectation on her shoulders.  
So much hope weighing her down.  
Poe too, a hero now in the resistances' eyes.  
So much is expected of him, too.  
They are similar - Rey and Poe - even if they don't see it.  
Leia sees it, staring at them in the middle of the night. 

...  
He changes in a moment.  
She feels it, she sees it.  
She watches as the light drains from him.  
The darkness overwhelms him.  
Her son.  
He is not her son anymore.  
Han blames himself - and she finds it so easy to just go along with it.  
Blame him because the alternative hurts just to think about.  
That it's her fault.  
It never occurs to her that it was neither of their faults.  
He has killed - her Ben.  
So many innocent people slaughtered like animals.  
She does not know this boy, she thinks. Not anymore.  
Han sits at the table, his eyes anywhere but her.  
He won't look at her anymore.  
Then he runs.  
Like he always does.  
And Luke disappears.  
She is alone.  
Again.  
...  
"Are you okay?" the boy asks this time.  
She doesn't reply instantly, instead she regards the two people in front of her.  
They seem as tired as she feels.  
Sleep is elusive to all of them - a friend who has left.  
A friend who won't come back.  
They all wander corridors in the middle of the night to stop the nightmares.  
Poe and Rey have each other.  
This isn't the first time she has seen them together, ghosting through the empty base.  
They are not alone.  
She sees they way he looks at her, when he doesn't think she is looking.  
The way she looks at him like he is her guiding light.  
Leia is lonely with her demons.  
"What did he do to you?" she finally says, her eyes switching between the two.  
"My son?"  
She wonders for a moment if he - if Ben - felt anything when he killed his own father.  
When he killed Han.  
She turns her attention back to the room.  
Neither Poe or Rey speak but they share a look.  
Leia learns all she needs from that look.  
He hurt them. She knows then, too, that they won't tell her about it.  
It is something else they share, Leia thinks.  
Something far more important than flying.  
It draws them to each other.  
They are survivors.  
The only two.  
...  
Her son is perfect when he is born.  
He has his mother's eyes and his father's smile.  
She loses him in a heartbeat.  
Loses Han, too.  
Loses everything.  
But her son is perfect when he is born.  
She thinks of that in her dark moments.


End file.
